Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya semua! selamat menyambut kemenangan, semoga kita mmg earned kemenangan kali ini. :)

Sepanjang puasa tak pernah putus berdoa utk pregnant :) tapi tak lupa juga berdoa sekiranya belum masa utk pregnant, sekiranya Allah masih nak menguji hambaNya ini, maka berilah ketenangan dan keredhaan dlm hati kami...

Raya kali ni rasa lebih bermakna... mungkin sbb hati mama amni nie dah boleh dikatakan setulus hati menerima ketentuan Allah mengenai pemergian anak2nya.. Alhamdulillah.. semoga abah amni pun sama :)

Sekali lagi, selamat hari raya. Selamat balik kampung. Selamat bermaaf-maafan. Selamat meneruskan perjuangan.

Apa pilihan kita?

MasyaAllah.. kenapa sampai begini sekali kafir provoke umat islam? Marah? Rasa tidak patut? Geleng kepala? Saya rasa itulah diantara reaksi terawal kita apabile melihat gambar tersebut... tetapi sejurus slps tu kenapa kita masih lagi menyokong US/ barat?

Mengapa dlm byk2 pilihan makanan, kita masih lagi menuju ke KFC, McD, Pizza Hut etc.. Mengapa kita masih lagi memilih shampoo Rejoice keluaran P&G? Mengapa demi utk menjimatkan sedikit wang kita sanggup melabur di Tesco?

Semuanya berbalik kepada pilihan-pilihan yang kita sendiri buat... Maka sahabatku sekalian.. pilihlah yang terbaik utk agama kita dan utk jaminan akhirat.

Saya pernah dgr satu cerita; ringkasannya: Apabila melihat Nabi Ibrahim dibakar.. seekor burung kecil berulang alik membawa air dgn paruhnya utk memadamkan api tersebut. Lantas tindakannya diketawakan oleh haiwan-haiwan lain kerana beranggapan perbuatan burung tersebut sia2. Lantas burung kecil tersebut menjawab " Aku takut nanti Allah bertanya kepadaku apakah yang aku buat utk menolong Nabi Allah ketika ia dibakar"

So, apa yang kita buat? Yang betul harap smpaikan.. yang salah harap dibetulkan. Wallahualam.

New Year's forecast.

Assalamualaikum wbt..

2006 is here! Am i suppose to be happy? well, to be frank, i'm not very thrill... it is almost a year went by since i lost my beautiful babies and i'm still not pregnant... i know people will definitely ask "dah ade ke?" "bile nak pregnant lagi?" etc..etc.. then when i reply "belum" with a fake smile. Then they will surely answer "takpela, nanti ade la tu" "oo ye ke" and some people do tell me "kuruskan la badan dulu sikit, baru senang skit".. just thinking about this makes me unhappy, makes me despise family reunion, meeting friends and the rest of the world.

It's not that i'm not happy.. it's just that i'm not feeling anything inside me... except for loneliness, pain, emptiness and more pain. Ah..the pain is very unbearable sometimes.. it makes me want to choke... lately i always feel dissapointed with myself. This stupid uterus! why couldn't you hold the embyro??

Most of the time i just want to be alone, where nobody can say something that could hurts my feelings, where i don't have to see other parents with their babies, where i can express my feeling freely, without having to pretend that i'm ok, i could not make myself to admit even to my own mother how i felt, how the event of losing my babies is hurting me more than i can endure, i just can't..i can only discuss it with my beloved husband. Thank you Allah for giving me such a wonderful husband.

Pls Fariza, pls remember that there are so many other things that you should be thankful about... or else i don't think i can survive much longer.. Ya Allah, kurniakanlah kami pengganti Amni2 kami.. ameen.